CLEAR SKYS AHEAD!

If you haven't seen me much at the field lately, it's because I've been busy as heck at work. Now with the warm weather coming along, I hope to have some time to enjoy flying again, make a general nuisance of myself with my camera, and continue in my undying quest to aggravate the crap out of park employees.

Once again I remind the textually challenged that the Flying Penguin is published on a monthly-maybe basis (maybe I'll print it this month, and maybe I won't. You don't like it? Ask me if I care...). This newsletter is, and always will be FREE! Why am I doing this? Probably because I need my head examined!

For the benefit of nameless parties (oh okay, I'll name them: park employees) I'm not selling anything. This is a free service I provide for my fellow fliers because the aforementioned nameless people have a problem with RC want-ads on the field's bulletin board (oh, but hanging posters for gun shows at the shooting range is okay, though... nice double standard).

As always, posting an ad in the Penguin is FREE, but if you'd like to show your appreciation for my efforts here, I will gladly accept a donation of two dollars. This donation is strictly voluntary, but if you want to show your support, it would be appreciated, (and you'll be helping support my bad habits). Please send in your ads now for next month's issue. Send your ads to:

The Flying Penguin
12555 Biscayne Blvd., Suite 832
North Miami, FL 33181-2597
Phone: (305) 892-9007
Fax: (305) 893-6221

CompuServe: 70254,2145

>>> NOTE: NEW WEB-SITE ADDRESS! <<<

http://www.concentric.net/~flypeng/homepage.htm

Please include your name, city, and phone number. Ads can be for anything having to do with modeling: used items for sale, want-ads, building services, contests, event announcements, death threats, etc. Copies of The Flying Penguin are available at Markham Park (get 'em when you can, the Park police are stealing them again), Coral Springs Condors Field (courtesy Marv Grubb), Gulf Hobbies in Hollywood (954) 987-7500, and Orange Blossom Hobbies in Miami (305) 633-2521 (courtesy of Charles Rodriguez).

You can also read the Flying Penguin on-line at the Flying Penguin Web-Site of Love at:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Flying_Penguin.

If you'd like a subscription, send me a book of stamps and I'll mail you an issue each month. If you'd like me to Fax the Penguin to you each month (you must have a fax that answers automatically), contact me with your Fax number. REMEMBER, IT'S FREE!

Send me your drawings, cartoons, or photos to share with us. Editorials and articles will be reviewed for submission (and then promptly tossed in the trash).

The Flying Penguin

THE TRUE TEST OF A "UKIE"

U-CONTROL PILOT, OR...

Flying a U-Control chopper ain't easy

Courtesy of Phil Bousquet, via the Internet (bousquet@tng.net)

Just the other day I picked up a great deal at one of these factory sponsored humongous fly-ins. Some dumb guy was sellin' this fantastic U-Control chopper real cheap. I just couldn't resist and I am now the proud owner of a twin rotor army style U-Control chopper. This is one of those transport choppers with 3 blades per rotor. It's really far out, it has 6 .049 Golden Bee powerhouse engines, one engine per blade and they are all geared together. Sounds great and I only paid $875.00 for the whole shootin' match, course the string and plastic handle was extra, $22.50.

Well now let me tell you how this bird performs. First of all you can't lift off vertically but that's all right, all you need is 7 buddies to help you. At first I had trouble because by the time I got all 6 engines started the first 2 would run out of fuel. NO PROBLEM! All you do is get 6 guys to start the engines at the same time, (how simple). Then you get the last guy to hold this screamin' bird over his head and give it a big shove away from center, (that's where your standing). We must have tried this a dozen times before I realized that you have to bend the tail rotor away from you to keep the thing from commin' at you and givin' you a real big hair cut. I found out real quick that main rotor blades aren't cheap, $36.95 each, I must have gone through 200 of them before I finally mastered this chopper.

Once I got airborne I realized all this thing wanted to do is climb. Boy did it climb, it climbed so fast that before I knew what was happening this baby was tryin' to bore a hole inverted in the pavement on the opposite side from where I launched. One of the guys said that I had just done a perfect "wing over", but it looked more like a "hammer head" to me. I found that if I glued a 6 ounce fishin' weight to the end of each rotor blade that this wouldn't happen any more. I was right, but now I have changed the engines to 6 Quadra Q 50's, those .049 golden bee's just ain't cuttin' it any more.

Now when I fire up this monster I sure get the attention of all those chicken RC guys. You should see these guys faces when all 6 Q 50's kick in. They know they are in for a show. I love the look on their faces when those rotor blades begin vibratin' and pickin' up speed. The noise is so loud that I even have trouble thinkin'. When I nod my head and get that ole heave ho this crankin' machine just hovers in place and blows a cloud of dust in all directions. What a sight.

Don't you know that my plastic handle broke. I am now using a Titanium body brace anchored 18 feet into the ground on a pivoting precision ball bearing platform with 3000 pound test line. Only cost me $63,000, and well worth it. The AMA wouldn't have it any other way. I now make appointments with the members of the flying club to find out when the field will be available and so far everyone is cooperating. The only bad part is when I fly I'm always the only one at the field.

I am currently working on perfecting my rolls with the chopper. I have installed a servo controlled full rotating flywheel disk on the longitudinal axis of the chopper and if I can just keep the rotor blades from cutting my cables I'll be ready for the next fun fly.

Yes this sure has been a challenge but it sure beats U-Control boats. Each run was so short, only 180 degrees. That really frosted me.

Later,
Bill Bustknuckle

MOVING DAY!

For those of you who access my web site on the Internet, I moved the web site again this month. I was having a lot of problems with the server it was on, and I finally gave up. I'm on a nice, fast server now, with lots of bandwidth. You should notice a difference - the server responds very quickly and the pages load very fast. Make a note of the new URL, and don't forget to update your bookmark.

http://www.concentric.net/~flypeng/homepage.htm

READER

SUBMITTED

MURPHY'S LAWS

• There are two types of Radio Controlled airplanes: Ones that have crashed, and ones that will.

Glenn Wheeler, member6335@aol.com

• Martin's Corollary of Discovery: When building a model, You will always find the missing part, just as you have finished duplicating it.

Martin, jmartin@halifax.com

• The probability of launching a glider is directly proportional to the number of times that you have seen a high-start being used, multiplied by the time that it takes for you to set it up, divided by the number of avid flyers that are watching you.

• The chance that you will totally trash your plane is directly proportional to your level of anxiety, times the number of planes that you have built, divided by the probability of flying your first plane at night and that you had to use a black covering on it.

Joe Sampietro, jvsst6@pitt.edu

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• If there is only one tree in an otherwise deserted area, your model will always fly into it.

• When an expensive model is in the air, there will always be a young child within range playing with his model car, whose radio will be on the same channel that you're using.

• Holding a transmitter always causes an overpowering itch all over your body as soon as your plane takes off.

TOLI, toli@bluewin.ch

• The number of electric flight packs that you burn up equals:

A: The number of times your charger false-peaks, times...

B: The amount of time you ignore the charger, divided by...

C: The amount of time you spend working on your buddy's airplane.

CashRC@aol.com

• The amount of power remaining in your starter battery is inversely proportional to the number of beginners watching times the probability of getting another day of good flying weather this month divided by the probability of your engine starting easily.

• The velocity of the wind is inversely proportional to the size of your plane.

• The gustiness of the wind is inversely proportional to the wing loading on your plane.

• The number of bugs biting you or otherwise interfering with your flight is proportional to the speed of your plane times the number of people watching you. (sort of a generalized Fire Ant Principle)

• The probability of it raining on Sunday morning is directly proportional to your chance of getting enough instructors together at the field to take your check out ride to get your wings.

• CA is a medical adhesive. As such, it is much more effective at gluing fingers than balsa.

• The quality of your landings in inversely proportional to the number of people watching you times by the number of hyperactive little kids running onto the runway.

• Canadian Geese prefer mowed runways and pit areas.

Leander Harding, harding@netaxis.com

• All but one maneuver is optional: the landing.

John M. Sarran, jsarran@sprynet.com

• When, during the construction of a model, you need three hands and yours are busy, the bottle of CA you were using will secretly lay down, spilling the contents to the floor and you, in your bare feet, will stand in it, gluing yourself in position.

Gary Johnson, gjohnson@cetlink.net

• The farther you fly into the trees, the smaller your plane becomes.

Bill Tracy, BTRACY62@ix.netcom.com

• Full Scale Axiom: Any laing you can walk away from is a good landing.

• Radio Control Corollary: Any landing you can walk back to is a good landing.

greg@heumann.com

• The probability of an engine quitting is directly proportional to the distance the plane is from the landing area.

• The size of the pile of grass clippings is inversely proportional to the chance of your "touch-n-go" landing run hitting the pile dead center.

James Copeland, jcopelan@ftw.mot.com